08 Oct SURRENDERING TO A DREAM
You guys I’m giddy. I’m acting on a desire that has been in my body since I can remember, but I’ve never ever believed that I could do it.
I’ve been attending a dance training this weekend (I’m getting my white belt in NIA, look it up). It’s my 3rd day and I am in love. ?
I was the girl who watched every dance movie known to man and then leaped around the house wishing I could dance like the movies.
I was the girl who had to drink or do some kind of drugs to ever go out on the dance floor feeling comfortable.
I was the one who used to tell everyone, “My mind loves to dance, but my body has two left feet.”
I was the one who looked up to and envied any woman who could move her body with grace and passion.
I did not make the cheerleading squad and would regularly get lost in my local nia or Zumba class, standing there wondering how people could remember the steps.
With all of that said, I teach people to challenge their beliefs and to follow their desires. So I normally challenge these kinds of limiting thoughts. But even for me there are some desires that no matter how much I want them still seem too far fetched.
Dancing or teaching dance has been one of those imaginary ideas that sounds good and yet I’d rather believe I’m not good at it than take the risk to learn. I’d rather avoid looking really clumsy and stupid and just watch movies of other people dancing instead. ?
Something awoke in me at Burning Man.
I think burning man has the power to awaken dancing in anyone who attends. There is literally music playing 24/7. There always a beat and people could care less about the way you dance. The weirder the better.
2016 showed me that I was not well acquainted with my body. I was awkward. preoccupied with what everyone else was doing instead of feeling my body. After a few days it opened me up and started to feel more comfortable, relax, and find my rhythm, but it still felt awkward.
This year at burning man I felt more free in my body, caring less about what people thought of me and more about how good it felt to move.
Even though it’s been fun to practice dancing in an environment like burning man, it was not the dancing that caused me to finally take action. (Although I’m sure it has had an influence).
This year at burning man I had a profound experience in which I felt deep surrender in my body in a way that I’ve never felt it.
Surrender to me is not needing to be do anything to be loved, and feeling enough just in being. Surrender. Do nothing. Moving nothing. Needing to be nothing.
And in this experience (which I may share later, but this post is already long enough) my body felt this full surrender and my muscles did not want to move. Everything was limp and surrendered. While I was unable to move, mind I kept seeing visions of myself as a dancer. (I found that really curious).
I did not expect that having this experience of surrender would be the prerequisite for dancing. But it makes more sense now.
In order to exhale, I must inhale.
In order to experience deep pleasure, I must learn to deeply surrender, relax, and take time to BE doing nothing. I thought I knew how, but this experience was so much deeper than I’ve ever experienced.
Since this life changing experience , when I close my eyes, I can see myself dancing fiercely, unapologetically, and emanating a Lion goddess ?.
So here I am on the 3rd day of NIA training. Tired, sore in muscles I have not used in years, and feeling so much joy and peace.
I’m still having trouble keeping up with the steps, but I’m having the time of my life and have more energy in my body than I’ve had in a long time.
Isn’t life ironic?
I learn to surrender on a deeper level and then all I want to do is dance?
I am surrendering to my desire.
Surrendering to the looking silly in order to practice and learn how to move my body like I can in my head.
Surrendering to the not knowing of where this will take me and of it’s a good or bad idea.
I’m honoring the desire and surrendering the rest.
I hope that today this inspires you to either surrender to doing nothing for 5 minutes or to turn on a good song and dance your heart out for 5 minutes. Either way enjoy. ?