30 Dec CONNECT WITH YOUR FIERCENESS (Day 4 – Remembering Your Fierce Heart Series)
Day 4: CONNECTING TO YOUR FIERCENESS
When I first started to practice listening to my heart I was faced with the fact that I did not usually like what it told me to do.
I realized it was a MAJOR reason that I avoided it for so long was that I did not feel capable of the courage it would take to listen to what it wanted.
It might just be our fierceness that we are most afraid of. This was definitely the case for me.
It seems to me that many of us are either all heart or all fierce.
The spiritual, loving, compassionate part of me used to think that being fierce meant being mean, opinionated, bitchy, or unloving.
Who’s with me on this? Mama said, “If you don’t have anything nice to say then don’t say anything at all.”
Translation: Stay quiet on important issues. Be kind as much as possible, even when someone else is not. Don’t ruffle feathers. Keep the status quo.
In my personal development work I valued self reflection, growth, and learning myself deeper. I would tell myself , “You are responsible for your part of the relationship. You are a mirror to your reality.” And so I’d give away all my power to thinking I had not yet arrived and if I worked on myself more these things in my life would change.
Translation: It’s my fault. Look for where I can do/be better. Forgive and Forget. All relationships are a playground for my personal growth. Work harder. Wait until I have clarity.
Growing up I’d been taught to be a good girl. To do what’s right for others. Culturally I saw way too many people “sell out” to avoid conflict, to save face, or to stay in others good graces.
Translation: Don’t say very much. It’s better to make sure people like you than to speak your truth. Get good at reading people and say only what you think they can handle. Make sure you don’t disappoint anyone.
With all of those internal messages, How does one go about listening to their hearts if it says things that would cause a ruckus, piss someone off, get you fired, or disappoint someone that you love?
The answer is that THEY DON’T, UNTIL THINGS GET REALLY BAD.
When I started to listen to my heart – she had so much to say about all the ways that I was avoiding my feelings and inner wisdom. For example here are a few of the things that she told me to do (all pretty much scary as hell and most took me a couple months to actually gain the courage to do):
+let go of a couple major friendships with women who were not honoring my requests and boundaries.
+do not continue Network Marketing on Purpose (an online coaching company that I’d built with a partner and was going to take over)
+share online more of what’s really in my heart, expose more of yourself and your beliefs – which resulted in over 300 people unsubscribing from my email list and reducing my income
+don’t work with a certain person (even though I needed the money)
+Sell your Audi Q7 it’s all for show and you’d rather save the earth
+speak up at home about ways that you are not feeling honored
+Stop allowing gossip in your presence
***Living with a Fierce Heart is someone who protects their heart (inner most values, beliefs, and feelings) with a powerful intensity. ***
I’m not saying it’s easy – It’s like the kind of love that most mothers have for their kids. They would protect them with all of their might. We have to reconnect with this type of fierceness.
Not backing down. Trusting yourself. Having boundaries. Choosing what’s right over what’s fast and easy. Choosing courage over comfort. Honoring your heart over your head. Honoring yourself as much as you honor other people.
I still believe that being “Fierce” without heart can be dangerous. Fierceness can be a reckless act of slaying others hearts without thought or concern, but I’m not talking about being simply overbearing or controlling.
The true nature of fierce is to be un-mess-wit-able, to protect what’s important to you, and listen to your heart above all. (heart + fierceness is what we clap for in movies)
In order to find my fierceness I actually had to learn to TRUST MYSELF.
That’s a topic for Day 5- but for now ask yourself…
Do you trust your heart?
Do you trust that you are brave enough to act on what it asks even if it means doing something that will disappoint another?
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